Ooops!

Well I don't know how to say this.... But I was wrong.

I have been wrong so many times (I have lost the count!) But this time I think I need to make certain public apologies.

Apology # 1

I am sorry Sugar, I was wrong. I thought you'll never do this for me; but you did. And, in the process you've made me one hell of a happy person!

I don't expect you to keep making me happy, because everyone makes mistakes and you're included in everybody (but mind you you're not just anybody; you're important!) But yeah, go ahead keep surprising me with such small gestures.

Apology # 2

I'm sorry Sis. I thought I wont miss you once you leave me, but I do. BADLY. What more, I don't have anybody to talk to in the evenings when I get home. Nobody wants to talk to 'whiny old me' I guess. People I expected to keep me company have turned into 'cold turkeys'. I miss fighting with you. I miss the constant bickering and those little spats over cleanliness.

Apology # 3
While watching this terrific movie called 'Taare Zameen Par' I realised one thing, that Mom knows everything. She is your best friend and support.
Sorry Mom, for hurting you so many times and not being able to match your expectations.

Apology # 4

To all my friends & relatives I've been ignoring and not taking an interest in for past 2-3 years. I really am jaded.

Apology # 5
To a certain lady I know. I know I keep misjudging you. I am sorry. My only excuse is that I am scared stiff of you. You're awesome, its just that I don't know you all that well, and have done a couple of stupid things in the past. Believe me I am not all that bad and would love to be friends with you, if it were not because of that idiot. I know you'll never read this, but its off my chest.

I know...I know... there are a couple more but these were niggling me for past few days. Hope the list doesn't grow.

Why do i do this?

It is 3.35 AM. I know I can not wake up at 6.45 AM to get ready and venture out in the park for my daily jog at 7.00 AM

This is the second time in a row. Oh! I have excuses. Good ones. Like its Friday. I want a break. Or perhaps its way too cold outside and I am afraid that I'll get a chill (In the beginning of December , that does sound a bit ridiculous I know!)

Why do i do this?? What is it about exercise that I hate. I am overweight. Not obese but I can definitely do with a few kilos less. Some say that I lack the will, but NO!! If I put my mind to it, I know I can even solve an algebraic expression! (err.. maybe not!) I survived one whole day on milk & fruits and even managed to eat just ummm.. one cube of cheese.

Damn Italians! Why did they come up with such fine cuisine!! Damn Chinese!! Who asked them to introduce noodles to the world! and damn all the cows err.. and buffaloes and goats etc etc (Camels too!) for giving us milk which makes lethal and fattening cheese...

I am hungry.... lemme go and grab a sandwich... we'll continue..

The Quake

Sunday, November 25 2007, 10.34 P.M.

I disconnected the phone, feeling very happy and content. I grinned like an idiot and then looked at P working furiously on her laptop and smiled again. She's getting married in January. I would lose my sister of 26 years to a guy who has known her for a paltry 4 years or so... (Grumble Grumble) I would not only relinquish my shopping partner but also someone I can fight with! Well that's something I will have to deal with... later. I had a bigger mission on my hand, wake up J for work. He is planning to reach office by 7.00 a.m. which would mean waking him up at almost 5.30 a.m. It was a daunting thought especially since the mornings were getting chillier and it’s difficult to take one's hand out of the warm quilt and call somebody who is thousands of miles away. Moreover, that someone sleeps like a log and refuses to answer his phone. I remembered the day when he asked me the first time to wake him up for work. I messaged back to him asking him to be his official alarm clock and he formally replaced his old human alarm clock, his Daddy, with me. I've known J for almost 3 years now, three wonderful years. We're the best of friends; we fight like cats and dogs, break up with each other at the drop of a hat and make up at a lightening speed. He means a lot. So I gear up to go to sleep early, since I've to wake up for my morning jog too. The jog was important since my dietitian has informed me today that I've managed to lose 4 kilos and 18 inches off my body in past one and a half month. so it was important to lose more and look presentable for my sister's wedding.

Sunday, November 25 2007, 11.45 P.M.

I was still awake, watching 'Monsters Inc.' for the third time. I was lured into this activity by P. Suddenly her phone rang. I knew from the ring tone that it was A, her fiancé . That was an indication that she should come online to chat with on Yahoo! messenger. I left the love-birds alone and gathered my stuff to go downstairs where I slept. Then I remembered that I had to wash my face and take care of thousands of little things I usually do before I go to sleep. That took me 25 minutes, and then I carried myself downstairs laden with my creams, lotions and cough syrup etc.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 12.45 A.M.

I was lying in my bed, woolgathering and thinking about god knows what, my phone rang. It was a message alert. I read my daily 'Tarot Card Reading' and cursed myself again for not knowing where I subscribed for that service. I don't know how to get rid of it!! After deleting the message I played a game of 'Dope-Wars' on my cell-phone, the game is addictive and it’s almost a ritual these days to play at least one game before falling asleep. After I made $56954000, was hideously rich and ran out of the time to sell narcotics, I kept my phone away and wrapped myself tightly in my quilt. I thought of J again, smiled and closed my eyes.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 1.30 A.M.

I woke up with a start. I sleep in the same room where my grandmother sleeps, and i heard voices. I sat up looked at Nani (My Grandmother) and noticed that there were other family members too in the room. They were all asking her not to eat cold yogurt which she loved. Nani was coughing badly. We forced some of my cough syrup and a sleeping pill on her and asked her to go to sleep; talking about her seeing doctor for this. My head touched my pillow and I went back to sleep.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 4.35 A.M.

I woke up again. This time i was feeling very warm and uncomfortable. I took off my sweatshirt and went back to sleep in my pajamas and t-shirt. It was dark outside but I could make the outline of the tree which was visible just outside the window across the road; it looked eerie in the pale light from street-lamps. I smiled again, thinking about childhood and the stories of ghosts on that tree. I am a horror movie buff so ghosts don't scare me anymore. Suddenly my bed started shaking and the glass of the window rattled. I was scared and I realized it was an earthquake. It was strong or rather it felt strong. I sat up quickly and asked Nani to get out of the house. I heard sounds from the rest of the House and Heard SM shouting that we should all get out of the house. I shouted for P who was sleeping on the second floor and SM called for M who was on the first floor. Before anybody could come downstairs, tremors stopped. Nani was sitting looking at us. "It was nothing." she said and went back to sleep. Everybody was downstairs and all of us gathered in the living room. We talked about the earthquake animatedly. MM figured and assumed that it was a strong earthquake and there would be loads of damage where the epicenter is.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 4.55 A.M.

All of us except M, who went back to his early morning mediation and Yoga, were huddled together in the living room. We turned on the TV and there it was; the breaking news, of Delhi being shook up by a strong earthquake. We sat looking at the screen for a long time. Till 5.20 a.m. we knew that the tremors were also felt in the nearby cities. I messaged some of my friends and I called my mom in Jaipur. She didn't feel anything. We kind of knew that there wont be any after-shocks, so we switched off the TV and all of us left for our respective rooms to go back to sleep. I slipped inside my bed. I felt the bed shaking again, but this time I knew it was all in my head. I was scared. I was sweating. I was wondering about how fickle the life is. I was thanking god for being alive. I was remembering all the people I love and care about. I thought about P and realised that she was the first person I thought about when the quake shook us all. I was worried about her. I love her. I also thought of Mom and Dad and realized that I called them as soon as I got the chance and asked them about their well being. I Thought about J who was like light years away from me right now and messaged him. I closed my eyes and was glad to be alive again....

***************************************

Delhi and neighbouring areas of Uttar Pradesh and Haryana were rocked by an earthquake at 4.42 am today, forcing people to rush out of their homes. Although the earthquake was described by the Met department as one of ''light intensity'', which measured 4.3 on the Richter scale, it felt stronger than that because the epicentre was in Delhi-Haryana border. People were shaken in their sleep as buildings rocked for a few seconds. There were no immediate reports of any damage to life and property. Courtesy: Press Trust of India

...been some time

There is a lot happening at the same time...

My head is reeling at the speed of everything.... realisations are difficult... especially if they are the hurtful kinds...

Things which you have believed in, trusted on and thought will never change.... they change in a moment.... along with that, changes your perception, your plans and your attitude towards certain things...

I don't want to change...

shauk hai

One of the most beautiful songs I've ever come across.......

Raat ka shauk hai
Raat ki saundhi si khamoshi ka, Shauk hai
Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai
San sani anwlon ka
Ke ishq ke banwlon ka
San sani anwle ,Ke ishq ke banwle
Barf se khelte badolon ka Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi Khel hi khel mein kho gayi hoti
Raat ka shauk hai
Neend ki goliyon ka, Khwab ke loriyon ka
Bezubaan aus ki boliyon ka Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi binkahe binsune so gayi hoti
Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai

Courtesy: Gulzar

Check out the English translation HERE.

Know Me Better!!

This is what my name means!!!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7 AM

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Chak De India

4. What's your favorite TV show? The Wonder Years

5. What did you have for breakfast? A Glass of Milk

6. What's your favorite cuisine? Italian

7. What foods do you dislike? Nothing. Saint Jayant said "You'll eat a rat's arse if you're hungry."

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour Cream & Onion

9. What's your favorite song at the moment? Beck's 'Everybody Gotta learn sometime'

10. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive

11. Favorite sandwich? Jam & Peanut Butter

12. What characteristics do you despise? Hypocrisy, untidiness and ungratefulness

13. Favorite item of clothing? Jeans

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Montenegro

15. What color is your bathroom(s)? White

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Levi's

17. Where would you retire to: beach, or wooded retreat? Wooded retreat

18. Favorite time of the day? Nights

19. What were your most memorable birthdays? P's roof-top birthday party

20. Where were you born? New Delhi, India

21. Favorite sport to watch? Tennis

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Jayant Sinha Roy

23. Person you expect to send it back first? Pooja Daswani

24. What fabric detergent do you use? Genteel
25. Were you named after anyone? I Think so. An Indian Administrative Service (IAS) Officer

26. Do you wish on stars? Yes

27. When did you last cry? Last night

28. Do you like your handwriting? Its not THAT bad

29. What is your most embarrassing flaw? My BIG nose

30. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes, I am fun ;)

31. Are you a daredevil? I pretend to be; deep down inside, NO

32. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes

33. Do looks matter? Only in the beginning

34. How do you release anger? By throwing things around or crying

35. Where is your second home? New Delhi

36. What were your favorite toys as a child? Barbie Dolls

37. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? 10th grade

38. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, but i am learning from Saint Jayant

39. Favorite movies? The Departed, Hotel Rwanda, Cruel Intentions, Serendipity, Sweet November, The Butterfly Effect and Dilwale Dulhania Le Jaayenge.

40. What are your nicknames? Jay and Chumki

41. Would you bungee jump? Would love to

42. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

43. Do you think that you are strong? NO, but i want to be

44. What are your favorite ice cream flavors? Chocolate, Rum 'n' Raisin & Bailey's Irish Cream

45. What are your favorite colors? Black & Red

46. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My weaknesses

47. Who do you miss the most? Nitin Lehri

48. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? Yes

49. What color pants are you wearing? Lime Green :D

50. What are you listening to right now? Harvey Danger, Wine Women & Song

51. Last thing you ate? Muesli without milk

52. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red

53. Last person you talked to on the phone? Aniruddha Roy, my colleague

54. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes

55. Favorite Drink? Milk

56. Do you wear contact lenses? Yes :(

57. Favorite Day of the Year? Any day is good, if I am with the people I love

58. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Scary Movies

59. Hugs OR Kisses? BOTH

60. What Are Your Favorite Desserts? Custard, Apple crumble, Kheer and Apple Pie

61. What Book(s) Are You Reading? Robin Sharma's 'Who will cry when you die'

62. What's On Your Mouse Pad? I use a laptop, so no mouse pad

63. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? :( Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi (HATEFUL SOAP!!)

64. Favorite Smells? Johnson's Baby Soap and Anais Anais

65. Rolling Stones or Beatles? The Beatles

The 'Bong' Connection

NO...

I am not talking about the movie...
And for goodness sake I am not going to talk about methods of smoking pot; 'The Leaf' (Marijuana for you plebians :D)

I am talking about myself....
and my F***ING life....

For some weird reason my life is flooded with 'Bengali' people. My given name is a 'Bengali' name... so first thing people ask me is "Are you a Bengali?" (As if being a Bengali means that I am a little more or less than being a human being! )

Not that I mind it! I have nothing against Bengalis. In fact, most of the Bengalis I know are extremely sweet and cultured people! Their rich culture and style (errr.... thats questionable I know!) amazes me! And the other quality which I think Bengalis are imbued with is intelligence. I hardly meet any 'Bong' who is dumb (Exception to some air-headed actresses, of course) and all of them extremely good looking!! Best example being actress Sushmita Sen. I know it may be a fluke that most 'Bongs' I meet are like that.

Well, what I fail to undersatnd is my 'Bong' Connection.My name is 'Bong'. People say I look like a 'Bong'(Heaven only knows how a 'Bong' is supposed to look like!!) My best friend is a 'Bong'. My Boss is a 'Bong'. His Boss is a 'Bong'. The gentleman who sits just behind me in the office is a 'Bong'. My workplace is flooded with 'Bongs'!!! But my nemesis is a 'Bihari' (:D).

Maybe I was a 'Bengali in some past life????

Or maybe I am just plain obsessed with 'Bengalis'?????

My Life: The Roller Coaster

whoooo-hoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There i go up again!!!

My life has been playing up games on me lately.... all kind of funny games which is putting me through an emotional wringer...

One minute I am up there in the sky and the other... SLAM!!! I fall down... and that hurts! BAD.

I know nobody said that life is going to be a bed of roses, but this??? Please have some mercy, my head is ringing and spinning now.

Last month I finally solved a BIG problem... was I happy??? Yes, for a few hours... but then fate twisted again and my Mom abandoned me! (errr... for a short while i.e.)... After a couple of weeks I found her again.... and then Jackass got into a fight with me, saying that I need to be more positive (I got his point after a couple of 'I'll be rude with you' sessions). While I was trying to darn that tattered cloth, my best 'GIRL' friend got angry with me because I tried whatever psycho-analysis I learnt in college on her. I WAS TRYING TO HELP!

So is the story of life. Of course she is still angry and I'm still convinced that it was for the best. Meanwhile, my life has taken an upward turn again and i am suddenly feeling more secure and loved... (Knock Wood!!!) Believe me support from parents and kisses from Jackass (even if they are sent in short messages on the cellphone) can do wonders to my state of mind.

I don't know how long this burst of happiness would last.... but this time I am sure that come what may... I'll find happiness again... because now I KNOW my way around the elusive streets of life.

Pollyannaism

I need a crash course in positivity....

thats what my beloved best friend says...

Hell!!

what happenend??? When and where did i lose it????

I thought i am very optimistic and positive....

Did he mean that i should get rid of my cynism??? As far as I am concerned those two aren't synonyms...

And more important... I was never cynical....!!! (Although I try mighty hard to be!! I think it's very 'IN' to be cynical)

I wasn't well today... had fever... maybe I am rambling..

Sorry... but i really need to find out the exact meaning of the word 'POSITIVE'

Don't mind me... please carry on....

Huh???

What's wrong with men these days???

Will they ever learn??

I just came across somebody who wants a girl, who can cook, clean, wash after him and drive him to and from work!! And keeps quiet!!

@^%@$$#%^!%$!$# What you need is a maid my boy!!

Hrrrmmpph...

Man's Best Friend

And this is how they are being treated? For staged 'Dog-Fights'?????

Shameful!

Thanks Jessica for the for this great post!

Five Feckless Facts

Do i sound like a nut who just looooooooves alliteration?

Well.....

If I do, i don't care.

Last week, my dear friend Dan while carrying out a very fetching tradition of 'Blog-World' tagged me to write five things about myself, which obviously wont mean anything to you and moreover you'll give a damn about them.

But yeah... it does sounds interesting and gives us all 'rubber-necks' a chance to do what we love most..... prying into other's lives.... I swear, human beings just love snooping around (esp. women) and get orgasmic pleasure in discovering odd facts about each other. I know I like reading useless facts about others!

So, let me share some snippets of information about myself, which I'm sure will give you an insight into my soul (LOL!!!)

1) I HATE Mangoes: When i notice the mortals around me during summer i get thoroughly disgusted by their ardor for this ugly looking yellow fruit (Ouch!!!! Stop it you guys!!!! you cant kill me for that!! i KNOW you just adore mangoes.. but sorry that stupid fruit doesn't works for me!)

I Don't think most of you 'hoi polloi' agree with me, but what the fuck! I have a right to form my opinion.

The only fruits that i actually like are strawberries, kiwi fruit and pears....and oh... "jaamuns" (Rose Apple or Jambu Fruit for all who don't know what a Jaamun is). Seriously people, we must do something to break this monopoly of mangoes as 'king of the fruits' and give the title respectfully to some other fruit.



2) I Am a Cleanliness Freak: Give me a broom (errrr a vacuum cleaner is better of course) and a duster and i am happy for hours.(That doesn't mean that you can call me anytime and ask me to clean your dirty, untidy rooms! Clean 'em yourself you punks!)

I hate getting my room untidy and actively fight with my sister for messing up anything that belongs to me.

I take showers 3 times a day and shampoo my hair everyday. Don't worry, I am not a bordering OCD case and at times i am pretty tolerant of greasy floors and unkempt beds & couches and wet bath rooms.

but yeah who doesn't like their stuff arranged neatly, room on bed so that they can lie down in comfort? Who would mind a nice smelling body with no grease or dandruff in their hair?



3) I Am a Romance Buff: I don't know the exact number because i haven't counted them lately, but yeah i have an enviable collection of 'Mills & Boon' books (and its growing!). I also inherited a large number of 'Illustrated Women's Weekly' books and some odd 30 'Barbara Cartland' books from a very dear family friend!

I like watching soppy movies with loads of Kleenex handy and I know that you're snickering behind my back!!!!





4) I Get Angry Easily: This is something I am not very proud of:(

But WTF!! Nobody's perfect!! So stop expecting me to be the divine being who's perfect!

Seriously speaking, I need to work on this and to my credit I've learnt a little bit... to control my anger i.e.

(This doesn't mean that I fly off the handle without any reason!!! :O)

5) I Don't Know How to Dance: Do you really want to laugh hard, slapping your knee with watery eyes? Come and dance with me!!!!!

Hell.... I've forgotten the number of toes I've trodden on, the number of eyes which have cried on my behalf and number of people who have fallen down watching me dance (With laughter of course!!!)

Why God??? Why me??? Why did you give me two left feet instead of one???

Don't for a minute think that I didn't try! I tried my best to learn to dance and in fact i enjoy the mindless and meaningless gyrating of body and the funny flailing arms and legs we call dance, but alas! its just something which i can't do!

Now that I've shared my deep dark secrets with you, I'd like to tag the author of 'Go Comment'.


Peace!!
:D

Writer's Block

WRITER'S BLOCK

Function: noun:

a psychological inhibition preventing a writer from proceeding with a piece of writing
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

erm.. errrr... I dunno what to write.....


sooooo... lemme think and get back to you with something nice or funny or informative or entertaining.....

Meanwhile, read 'Tanmay-ology' The most freaky blog I've read so far......

Catty Women

"Not Really"

Do women bitch?
Yes, they do. Its an age old fact.

Do I bitch?
Yes, I do. I've been doing that for __ years! (yeah, guess my age!)

Following are two actual incidences which have taken place at my home/ work-place!



Scene 1:

This happens, almost every time when women (sometimes men too!) in my family meet.. ahem.. except for those who are being bitched about, but of course....


GM: "Lets sit together tonight. All of us. Its been quite a while since we've bitched about the nefarious 'C Family'! I must tell you what happened recently and what these people did! Especially that Bitch!"

MU: "Sahi mein! (Really!) Even i have to tell you what happened the other day, when i called her up!"

ME: "Yeah, its been a long time... and it would be fun!"

MI (A male member of my family): "SO! Please make sure that we have loads of 'Maggie Noodles' in the kitchen! We cant stay awake till 2-3 am without having anything to eat!"

PA: "Yeah! And something to drink as well!"

SO: "I don't like them at all. I think I will sit with you guys and listen to what all you have to say."

So, what was supposed to be a bitching session, turned into a small party of sorts. Everybody bitched, everybody ate and went to sleep, grumbling about being fat, with tummies full of food, which is supposed to be fattening.


Scene 2:

Some women (Including me of course!) sitting around a table in the deserted Cafeteria, in my office.

A: "Damn! Its so hot outside!"

B: "I know! Speaking of hot, look who is wearing skimpy clothes again!"

C: "OMG! How could 'X' wear something like that! She's looking trashy!"

D: "Oh! have you heard the latest about her! She has finally managed to sleep with that dreamy manager! Another notch on her bedpost i must say!"

B: "WHAT! Are you serious!"

D: "Absolutely! 'E' told me so!"

C: "Hrrrmph... she's a fucking nym*****iac! She'll sleep with anybody!"

A: "Aw shit! I really liked that guy! How could he?"

Arrival of 'X' and 'Y' on the table

X: "Hi! Whats up?"

"Hi X! Hi Y! How you guys doing!" everybody chimes....

X: "I'm fine! Its scorching hot outside!"

A: "Yeah!"

C: "Hey X! You're looking good! How and where the hell do you manage to find such nice clothes! We must go out for shopping together some day!"

Scene fades in meaningless female chatter......


Hmmmm.... yes women do bitch! Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar!

Why? Bite me if i know!! :))

Persistence.....with a capital 'P'

No, I am not an ungrateful person.... I take everything given to me by God with great poise and grace (yeah.. yeah.. so what if i lose it at times? Everybody cracks under pressure.. hrrmph..) But lately I have started complaining.... I am being ladled out more than my fair share of bad times....

What is it about broken relationships that annoy me most? Persistence....

My best friend is mighty nettled these days. Why? Her Ex refuses to move on. She called me today and I told her to flee away from the country to retain her sanity. I was wrong. She should stay here and fight the demons. Because, that's what I am doing.....

How many times do we face this situation? When somebody we think should move on, refuses to do so. Exasperating? Isn't it?

I have a pretty colorful past. A broken engagement, one or two boy friends and a couple of crushes... Everything left a scar... everything contributed to my experiences and everything gave me a realization... sometimes a rude awakening... But the first prize would always go to my engagement, which left a bitter taste in my mouth and a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with my current boy friend. Sounds funny? Yeah it is... because it was that broken relationship which made me realize that i have another bond... with someone who is caring and an absolute sweetheart to the core.... someone who helped me pick up the pieces of my broken life. (Thanks Jackass!)

I broke a two month old engagement last year (Yeah it was an arranged match!) Reason being that i realized after a couple of meetings with the guy that we're totally incompatible and I'd royally screw mine and his happiness if I would go on thinking about everybody else's' happiness (Thanks to Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, which incidentally was a gift from my ex fiance!) Moreover, there was a lot of animosity from the guy and his family too... they had several terms and conditions (Give up reading novels, read Osho, start meditating, stop eating potatoes, slim down, do MBA and loads of others...most of which I've never done in my lifetime!) I am sorry, but i don't think marriages work on terms and conditions (I might be wrong, but i do have a right to form my own opinion. Right?)

After facing a lot of heart-ache, opposition, turbulence and breaking off this futile alliance, I made a checklist. Which is as follows:

1) Move out.
2) Start living on your own.
3) Concentrate on your job.
4) Be happy and positive.
5) Forgive and forget.

I managed to do almost everything except forget (I even forgave!) Why did i never forget? Because of PERSISTENCE. I wanted to... but the guy's mother refused to move on... she kept persisting that i marry his son. (She still is..) So many things have happened because of this irrational doggedness... a rift between me and my family... insomnia... a feeling of being hunted.. a resolution to stay away from people born under the sun-sign of Cancer (Sowy P!! but its true) and a general discomfort at the idea of being married. Whatever... i am still determined on taking control of my future and not get into a relationship which will cause me nothing but despair.

Wow! i feel good... this was something which was struggling to get out.. for a long time.....

On a lighter note... A broken affiliation always paves way for a new one!!!(Remember my optimism!)

REALITY BITES

"Pathological Optimist"


I heard this term being used in the movie 'Reality Bites' when i was very young... almost too young to understand what this term actually meant.... the term was used for the female protagonist, Lelaina Pierce, in the movie. For some reason the movie which was an eclectic blend of comedy and romance is very close to my heart.... maybe because its ironic or maybe because of the tag-line 'Life is always funnier when it happens to someone else' Whatever the reason, i still like the movie and .,l,. this is for people who think otherwise (Sorry if you think I am being rude.)

After all these years, I have realized today why this movie is so special... because of this term and the fact that i relate with this term....

Heard the 'Chumbawamba' song 'Tubthumping'?
"I get knocked, down but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down"

I relate with this song as well.... why? Because that's what i am, a born fighter, a person who might be down for a while but will get up again and start on with the life again.....

Is there anything wrong being an optimist? I don't think so... Is it wrong to follow your heart and don't let anybody shake your beliefs? I don't think so...

But today..... I have realized.... the fact that people can knock you down.... make you fall flat on your face.. and keep you there till you cry for mercy....

Will i ever be able to get up again and start being what i am? A Pathological Optimist.....

That's something which time will tell.... but I'd still like to think.. 'Yes. I will'.....

Amen.....

My Emotional Quotient

I always thought i was an emotional fool......so i took this Emotional Quotient test online and found myself something to prove me wrong:

Your EQ is 87

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Believe me the results are better than i thought, i dont want to be devoid of emotions but lately my emotional quotient is certainly going down. Maybe its the company i keep (And yes i mean you Jackass!), or maybe I'm just growing up and becoming smarter! Emotional to me is synonym of 'Fool' nowadays, so a score less than average is good!

The Reason

I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

Courtesy: Hoobastank

Dear Impossible,

I am not here to sing the song, but yes I wish I could sing it loud right now.

I have been awake for the past 4 hours. Waiting…. for the results; examination results. (Not mine of course!) The credit goes to the cat who woke me up at around 3 AM and telepathy. I woke up because I felt she needs somebody with her right now, my cousin, my friend and partner in the sins pertaining to pizzas, Sonali; who was waiting and is still waiting for her CBSE results for Secondary (10^th for you!) and hasn’t slept a wink.

We have watched a movie (Sweet November), surfed the net, scoured the rooftop done everything to keep us busy….but the wait isn’t over yet…. It’ll take another 45 minutes or so.

My head is buzzing, and I am feeling sorry that I made her watch that movie with me, she didn’t like it. Why did I watch that movie? Of course, there’s a reason. MY REASON.

I remember the first time I saw that DVD, in your collection. I was surprised, I know you love war movies and hardcore action, and this was a revelation about you. You told me once that this perhaps is the only romantic movie which you like.

So, why did I watch a movie which I’ve already watched… like 15 times? Answer was simple. Because of one simple rationale, it reminds me of you. Last Night. I found out MY REASON….after spending almost 1 hour on telephone with you. I thought I knew you. More than two years, I’ve spent worshipping the ground you walk on, but I never knew you felt like this. I feel so inadequate while I take upon this responsibility. But, I give you my word that I’ll try my best to do what I said I’ll do. Just pray for me.

And today, while I wait (It feels like eternity!) I realize that this is how long I will wait for you. Till eternity, thanks for making me realize the reason behind my existence.

Love Always,

Yours Forever

The World Premiere of 'Makkad-Man'

http://www.makkadman.com

The Cruise: Superstar Libra - Part III

Preparation:

Lets put together the two bored kids and the two bored professionals with a home maker and a doctor, mix the additives in the form of lovely weather, a beautiful and luxurious ship, funny crew & funnier co-passengers and voila! See the fun!

Beginning from the the hot morning at the Jaipur airport till the humid afternoon in Mumbai, when we disembarked from the ship; the trip was full of adventure and exaggerated emotions! Fights between the Kids (that includes anybody who is 20+ but less than 40!) kids and grown-ups and grown-ups themselves!

Getting off the aircraft, everybody re-affirmed their hatred for the Tinseltown Mumbai....

"The weather sucks!"

"Its too crowded!"

"Its dirty and soooo old!"

and

"WHAT THE FUCK! the markets are also closed today!"

chanted everybody and prayed for better times on the ship! after wasting a lot of time trying to shop for swim-suits and knick-knacks, turns taking bath, spending too much time in the bath-tub and generally messing up the beautiful bathroom in that beautiful hotel room... we headed for the Mumbai port.

Mumbai port : Unlike the ports shown in the movies which are mobbed with gangsters... this one looked like a poor cousin of an airport. People were checking in, making goofy faces while being photographed and getting awe-struck with the huge ship which they were about to embark.

Teen Deviyan (Me, P and S) were disappointed, there seemed to be nobody who looked like a hunk, seemed that 80% of the ship's population comprised of Gujjus and honey-mooners. Shanks looked bored to tears and my Mausi & Mausaji looked harassed with our tantrums.

Inside The Ship: There awaited a Las Vegas show-girl... scantily dressed, wearing plumes of feathers and a French guy with azure eyes... our hopes floated and soared the sight of cute looking oriental crew. The ship was beautiful and i dont think i need to describe how comfortable it was and what all amenities were there. From comfortable bunk beds to lofty loungers on the deck; from basketball court to the running track; from the spa to the swimming pools and jacuzzi, from the library to the top-less dancing shows; from free food made by the chefs of 'The Taj' to the horrendously expensive bars; from discotheque to casino, everything spoke of opulence and comfort. You name it and you get it (for a price of course!) So where is the fun?

Fun was not in the comfort it was the people around! the Old Uncle who danced every night in the discotheque and won almost every freaking contest, the lusty chef we befriended the first day who was always busy looking at the wrong places at the wrong time (I have a photograph to prove that!) Fun was 'ooh-aahing' for Matthew who looked amazing dressed as a man as well as a woman! Fun was flirting with the crew and sharing the photos of their family members and children. Fun was sneaking away to the deck during late nights to lie down under the star-studded sky and talk about nothing at all. Fun was trying to find signals on your phone, so that you can speak to a temporarily estranged boy-friend and waiting for his calls. fun was the banana-boat ride in the beautiful waters around the islands of Lakshadweep, swimming, looking for the loo on the deserted island, beaches of Goa, shopping and last but not the least getting into senseless quarrels with each-other...

What we did not like of course, was sea-sickness (The pills makes one sleepy, I lost an entire day because of the fucking sea-sickness pills!), getting sand in all the wrong places, getting caught doing things you're not supposed to do, first time swimming in a swimming pool full of sea water and paying the outrageous bills.

We disembarked the ship on the 4th day, happier, rejuvenated and with a skin shade which was ten thousand timer darker than our original skin! The most noteworthy accomplishment of the voyage, we were more close and at peace with each other!

The Cruise: Superstar Libra - Part II

VISUAL DELIGHTS

********************

The Sign: It glowed during the nights and looked absolutely awesome!


This is the ninth floor and deck of the ship during night time. The photograph has been taken from the tenth and the highest floor. This place has two swimming pools filled with saline sea water and you may not want to swim in there for too long! Best feature were two jacuzzi tubs, filled with fresh cold water. There main function was to soothe the poor human body ravaged by the effects of salt in the swimming pools. But you must agree, the place looks beautiful and pleasing to the sore eyes.


The Lobby: The main attraction was this center piece, which looked like a tropical forest, full of vibrant colors and fragrances. I frankly dont remember whether all these flowers were real or plastic. What i remember is being awed by the sheer beauty of it.


The Ship: This where the boarding and de-boarding was done, from the ship while it was on sail.Huge, isn't it?


This was our cabin. small and surprisingly very comfortable. It boasted 4 bunks, two cupboards, a vanity unit, a tiny bath room with a shower cubicle, a TV and a picturesque window out of which i saw one of the most lovely sunrises of my life... The beds were an absolute dream, soft comfy and welcoming, like a lover's embrace.

Preparation: yet to come...

The Cruise: Superstar Libra - Part I

Main Entry: 1fun
Pronunciation: 'f&n
Function: noun
Etymology: English dialect fun to hoax, perhaps alteration of Middle English fonnen, from fonne dupe
1 : what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically : playful often boisterous action or speech
2 : a mood for finding or making amusement
3 a : AMUSEMENT, ENJOYMENT b : derisive jest : SPORT, RIDICULE
4 : violent or excited activity or argument
synonyms FUN, JEST, SPORT, GAME, PLAY.

Source: Mirriam-Webster Online Dictionary

************************************************************SUPERSTAR LIBRA

***************************************************************

RECIPE OF A FUN-FILLED VACATION
*******************************************

Ingredients:

A middle- aged 'Young' couple, which likes lazing around.

One 26 yrs old girl, who tries to to act sedate for the sake of propriety; fails miserably.

One 24 yrs old girl, who is too damned serious and is looking for amusement out of her boring office. (No Offense P!)

One 17 yrs old boy, who is supposed to keep watch on his sisters, but is busy most of the times ogling girls and plotting to find a way to get an entry-pass for the 'Topless Dancing Show'.

One 13 yrs old girl, who is too feisty for her age, and is occupied with dreams of attracting cute oriental guys.

A HUGE ship full of people who have temporary amnesia, and most of them dont remember their age.

A crew,which is an eclectic mix of Indians and cute looking orientals.

A group of 'Gujju' boys just out of the school, from Mumbai.

A cellphone (with no connectivity in the middle of the sea), to keep in touch with a temporarily estranged boyfriend.

A restaurant catered by 'The Taj', to pig out.

A lustful chef.

Banana-Boat ride in Lakshadweep.

A Brand new SUV

A 'well-connected' lost brother of Michael Schumacher as driver.

Beaches and flea markets in Goa.

And last, but not the least a 'Hunky' South-Indian guy.

Seasoning: Lots of food, sun, beaches, sea and sea-sickness.


PREPARATION: to be continued........

Rinchen Tshering Yolmo

First look at the guy, and you would not know what the real man beneath the 25 yrs old body, 'garden-variety' north-eastern looks, is like.

Rinchen is the typical 'boy-next -door' types, jaunty, unassuming, cute and fun to be with. The guy can make you convulse with laughter with his antics and blithe Hindi (he seriously needs coaching in Hindi!). Five minutes with him, and you'll know what i am talking about.

But, This is not about Rinchen, 'The Jester', this about Rinchen, 'The Enigma'.

I came to know during my early days with him, that this typical 'cancerian' friend and colleague of mine has a daughter. An adopted daughter.

my dear friend has a back problem, apparently due to some mishap some years ago. The fateful accident left him with an extant pain in his lower back and a child. A girl child which was abandoned on the bed next to his in a hospital. He brought her home, his parents offered to adopt that little girl, but in vain. He had his mind all made up. He knew that he is going to be her father. Rinchen went on with the legalities of adopting a child at a tender age and made himself the child's father. He works to support his child and himself. The little girl lives with her grandparents in the beautiful state of Sikkim.

I cried the day i came to know about this... emotional fool that i am...

We all know about the sexual discrimination in our country, what we dont know is that there are people like my parents who never regretted having a son. I know people in MY FAMILY, who cry when a daughter is born to them (And i am not talking about ages ago, its pretty recent!) and i know people like Rinchen, who go forward and take care of somebody else's daughter. How many of us have guts to do so? And, I am talking about us, the normal people, not the celebrities like Sushmita Sen.

This is my ode (with no rhythm and rhyme of course!) to the Man behind 'The Jester' Rinchen Tshering Yolmo. Who is strong, unyielding, ethical and respectable. I am proud to know you.

My Best Friends

I remember the first time I read Enid Blyton. My father brought home some books for us (Me and my sister, although she was too young to read!) from his office library. I looked at those books. Most of them were hardback editions, colorful and vivid jackets, which attracted me. For a 7 year old kid the pictures of flying chairs and happy children were indeed very attractive. That was the day when I came across a world, where everything was near perfect. There were Gnomes, goblins, pixies and elves. And my own little horrors, like wicked witches! (My wild imagination: Courtesy: Ms Enid Mary Blyton) They absorbed me… or rather I absorbed them and Mollie and Peter became my ‘BESTEST’ friends.

I became a voracious reader in a short time... I remember books like 'The Russian Fables', 'Disney's Fairy Tales' 'Astrix and Obelix', 'TINTIN' (Superlative!! i still have a digitized collection of almost all Tintin Comics, thanks to my boyfriend) and 'Alice in Wonderland' they enthralled me. (Ask me now about what i read, i probably wont remember except for a few stories and pictures) My interest was well fed by my father and my Dadi (She taught me to to read) Mum was glad she had a book-worm for an offspring (little did she know that her offspring's only interest was stories not text books!)

I graduated from The Faraway Tree and The Wishing Chair in late 80’s when I found The Famous Five. George, Anne, Julian, Dick and Timmy took Mollie and Peter’s place in my life. I went on adventures with them. They went with me to my school and slept with me in my bed. I became pals with Nancy Drew and was jealous of her because of Ned Nickerson. I was in love with Frank Hardy and was chummy with his brother Joe... I lived in my own make-believe world.

In the mid-nineties, i came across a phenomena called Mills & Boon. My world changed and i was in in midst of the biggest addiction in my life. I hoarded those books (I still own some 100 odd Mills & Boon Novels, rest of them disappeared, God knows where!!) I read them day and night. Mom was finally realizing the gravity of the the situation. Most often she used to wake up in the middle of the night to notice that her teenage daughter isn't sleeping, but reading. And no sir! they were no text books, those were the mushy love stories with happy endings and sometimes 'hot' and 'steamy' love scenes. I was going maudlin, reading all those stories, turning into a sappy creature. That was when i made another discovery (It was not Danielle Steele, I hate her books!) Sidney Sheldon!! GAWD!! wish i could go back the time and stop myself from picking up that copy of 'If Tomorrow Comes'.

Times changed, and I changed with it. I kept reading, kept growing, I smiled with Archie and his gang, I cried with the Mills & Boon. Felt a rush of adrenaline while reading Irving Wallace, Sidney Sheldon and J K Rowling (Believe me you’ll get a kick out of reading about Harry Potter and his life), was horrified with Stephen King and Robin Cook. Found inspiration when I read Ayn Rand and was mystified with Victoria Holt. One thing remained constant my love affair with books. My worst dream is waking up one day and finding that all the books in the world have disappeared.

PLEASE GOD! Don’t let that happen...

The First Time....

There’s always a first time for everything. This is the first time I'm writing a Blog.

Just like everybody else, I have committed most of my ‘first times’ to my memory. They were all incidents worth remembering and they still lurk somewhere in my subconscious mind... making me the person I’m today.

But some of them are still so vivid, so fresh as if they happened just yesterday. Those are the ones which transpired to mold me, my beliefs, my values and MY LIFE. Those are the etchings on my soul...

My first book: Albeit a bit dusty….there is a strong memory of a small paperback called Chanda Mama, which had stories about kings and kingdoms, ghosts and gods etc. O.M.G.! I was vain enough to believe all of it…at that age...

My first School: Kendriya Vidyalaya, Barmer. There was only one respectable school in that small sleepy town of Rajasthan, during those times. And ‘Moi’ was important there. I reminisce about that hot day when I lost my silver necklace while playing Hop-Scotch. 6 years old little girls weren’t supposed to wear jewelry to school. But I did. That was the day I realized my father must be an important man. Because when I cried my Principal got the entire play-ground dug up and found that fragile looking piece of silver for me. God! I feel horrible about it now.

My First Audio Cassette: Aashiqui (Hope I’ve got the spelling right!) a young girl all of 11 years or so walks up to the shop-keeper and asks him for a cassette of Aashiqui, pays him Rs 18, and walks off proudly with her procurement. Mom was angry when I got home, but it was worth it. Although I’ve come a long way from listening songs of Aashiqui to listening James Blunt and INXS, but I still love those songs and I still have that cassette somewhere lying around.

My first Crush: He was the perfect specimen of male hood for me, four years my senior in school. House captain, short, fair and cute… Blah blah blah… I am so glad I regained my senses well in time! I know he lives somewhere in Australia now.

My first Boyfriend: Mohit! How can I forget those days with you? You and I on the railways tracks… in the bus… you waiting for me outside the school…you walking me to my home… that birthday gift… that Valentine ’s Day…Chachi 420… so many little things… makes me think of Arnold & Winnie. It was a perfect model of innocent love. It broke my heart the day he said he’s going to Delhi to study. I miss those days. But, life goes on so did I. We moved on, kept in touch and I am so glad we still are!

My First Day in College: I was scared. I was the only girl in the fresher batch, wearing a pair of jeans with a tee. Believe me...when I say...that it is tough being part of an all girls’ college. Women are fussy and can be pretty mean. I was endangered. I was fearful of the seniors and ragging. A group of girls approached me; I gave them a petrified glance and tried to shuffle my backside quickly to the psychology lab, for the first class of the day. I spent the day in fearful presentiment. Soon it was over. I was on my way home and could breathe again. You Bet! Next day I turned up in all the glory of a flowing Duppatta and Salwar-Kameez.

My First Job: It SUCKED!! Big Time!! I won’t wish that job upon my enemies. I was tired of dealing with angry customers who were facing some little problem with their internet connection. I knew that the company I worked for provided f**ked up internet connections. I still grinned and told everybody, “We Are the Best!!” Of all the hypocrites in the world! I am glad that company is obsolete now.

My first Love: Sad… I can’t take your name. But you know that you’re important… very important to me.

“Ouch!” that’s what I said when I snapped my nail into two and my finger started bleeding. He was the reason. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve opened the door without hurting myself. He occupied my days…and nights (we worked in the graveyard shift!), and my thoughts. I was tired of his voice droning in my ears all the time… was tired of looking at him 12 hours a day. But, there he was, in the cab, in the cafeteria, outside the office, in the training room...trying to help a group of 15 odd people. And most of these times he wore the similar brooding expression, showed animosity towards everybody and seemed very disagreeable. He was 'The Loner'.

The day I hurt myself, I was angry for letting him affect me this way. It was not fair. I found him looking at me oddly one day. I ignored him. Seven Days, that’s all I had with him. I tried to move on. I was not able to. One day he messaged. He asked me to go out with him. “Say No!” my mind said… “Okay!” I said, and this is how it started.

For next one year he was there, just somebody to hang around with, somebody to meet on the weekends. I knew I was falling in love. I also knew it was dangerous. But, WHAT THE HECK!! You only live once!

I tied to break away, but for some reason, it was always him, who came forward to pick up the pieces of my broken life. I hurt him, he hurt me. I cried, he cursed… in the end we always ended up kissing and making up.

After two long years of knowing him…I know he is special…“The One.” I don’t care if spend my entire life with him or not (Although I’d love to!) its enough that I know a person as wonderful as he is. He is my teacher, my mentor and my best friend.

(But you’re still IMPOSSIBLE!!)

My first Kiss: “(Gulp) this is it!” I thought. But no, he did not kiss me that day.

Anyways, it was raining that day. A light drizzle… very romantic, we had a fight… (As usual) and heated emotions were flying all around. I have never been an emotionally strong person. I can’t take fights very well and I always break down in the end. This is what happened that day. I cried and cried and he had to do something, to make me stop. (All that crying was driving him nuts I guess!) He did it then. It was a small peck on the cheek, but it was worth remembering. And yes, it made me stop crying!

My first Drag of The Cancer Stick: I think all my experimenting has been done in past two years. Ever since I moved to Delhi, my meaning of life has changed. In short, I GREW UP. Being with ‘Him’ I’ve learnt good and bad things. But I’m glad I let only good things pervade my life. I was intent on smoking a cigarette. So I tried one day. Fortunately or unfortunately my boyfriend is a smoker. I remember the day when I took a drag of the cigarette he held in his hand. The carton said ‘Classic–Milds’. Well, I obviously thought these are mild cigarettes so they won’t affect me much. I was in for the shock of my life! It felt as if I was choking on the smoke. My lungs were smoldering and I was coughing my life out! I did not give up I tried a clove flavored cigarette with my room mate and that one was not that bad. But luckily I never got hooked on to cigarettes. I either politely decline smoking or don’t let the smoke enter my lungs.

My first Cocktail: That day in September, I was at a birthday party. One of my oldest friends turned 26 that day. His wife handed me a glass of something which suspiciously looked like Limca, mixed with lots of mint. I gladly took the glass and gulped down the contents, after all I was thirsty. It tasted funny. I knew something was wrong. I asked Dhi, he said it has some Vodka in it. I refused to drink another drop. Alcoholism is something I feel strongly about. But then again that voice in my head said “C’mon! you only live once!!” And I drank that glass of whatever it was. Man!! For somebody who’d never touched a drop of alcohol, it was an evening to remember. I danced. And I enjoyed myself after being high on one paltry cocktail. I was dropped home and all. I went to sleep. Next day, was BAD. I promised myself again not to listen to the voices in my head.