The First Time....

There’s always a first time for everything. This is the first time I'm writing a Blog.

Just like everybody else, I have committed most of my ‘first times’ to my memory. They were all incidents worth remembering and they still lurk somewhere in my subconscious mind... making me the person I’m today.

But some of them are still so vivid, so fresh as if they happened just yesterday. Those are the ones which transpired to mold me, my beliefs, my values and MY LIFE. Those are the etchings on my soul...

My first book: Albeit a bit dusty….there is a strong memory of a small paperback called Chanda Mama, which had stories about kings and kingdoms, ghosts and gods etc. O.M.G.! I was vain enough to believe all of it…at that age...

My first School: Kendriya Vidyalaya, Barmer. There was only one respectable school in that small sleepy town of Rajasthan, during those times. And ‘Moi’ was important there. I reminisce about that hot day when I lost my silver necklace while playing Hop-Scotch. 6 years old little girls weren’t supposed to wear jewelry to school. But I did. That was the day I realized my father must be an important man. Because when I cried my Principal got the entire play-ground dug up and found that fragile looking piece of silver for me. God! I feel horrible about it now.

My First Audio Cassette: Aashiqui (Hope I’ve got the spelling right!) a young girl all of 11 years or so walks up to the shop-keeper and asks him for a cassette of Aashiqui, pays him Rs 18, and walks off proudly with her procurement. Mom was angry when I got home, but it was worth it. Although I’ve come a long way from listening songs of Aashiqui to listening James Blunt and INXS, but I still love those songs and I still have that cassette somewhere lying around.

My first Crush: He was the perfect specimen of male hood for me, four years my senior in school. House captain, short, fair and cute… Blah blah blah… I am so glad I regained my senses well in time! I know he lives somewhere in Australia now.

My first Boyfriend: Mohit! How can I forget those days with you? You and I on the railways tracks… in the bus… you waiting for me outside the school…you walking me to my home… that birthday gift… that Valentine ’s Day…Chachi 420… so many little things… makes me think of Arnold & Winnie. It was a perfect model of innocent love. It broke my heart the day he said he’s going to Delhi to study. I miss those days. But, life goes on so did I. We moved on, kept in touch and I am so glad we still are!

My First Day in College: I was scared. I was the only girl in the fresher batch, wearing a pair of jeans with a tee. Believe me...when I say...that it is tough being part of an all girls’ college. Women are fussy and can be pretty mean. I was endangered. I was fearful of the seniors and ragging. A group of girls approached me; I gave them a petrified glance and tried to shuffle my backside quickly to the psychology lab, for the first class of the day. I spent the day in fearful presentiment. Soon it was over. I was on my way home and could breathe again. You Bet! Next day I turned up in all the glory of a flowing Duppatta and Salwar-Kameez.

My First Job: It SUCKED!! Big Time!! I won’t wish that job upon my enemies. I was tired of dealing with angry customers who were facing some little problem with their internet connection. I knew that the company I worked for provided f**ked up internet connections. I still grinned and told everybody, “We Are the Best!!” Of all the hypocrites in the world! I am glad that company is obsolete now.

My first Love: Sad… I can’t take your name. But you know that you’re important… very important to me.

“Ouch!” that’s what I said when I snapped my nail into two and my finger started bleeding. He was the reason. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve opened the door without hurting myself. He occupied my days…and nights (we worked in the graveyard shift!), and my thoughts. I was tired of his voice droning in my ears all the time… was tired of looking at him 12 hours a day. But, there he was, in the cab, in the cafeteria, outside the office, in the training room...trying to help a group of 15 odd people. And most of these times he wore the similar brooding expression, showed animosity towards everybody and seemed very disagreeable. He was 'The Loner'.

The day I hurt myself, I was angry for letting him affect me this way. It was not fair. I found him looking at me oddly one day. I ignored him. Seven Days, that’s all I had with him. I tried to move on. I was not able to. One day he messaged. He asked me to go out with him. “Say No!” my mind said… “Okay!” I said, and this is how it started.

For next one year he was there, just somebody to hang around with, somebody to meet on the weekends. I knew I was falling in love. I also knew it was dangerous. But, WHAT THE HECK!! You only live once!

I tied to break away, but for some reason, it was always him, who came forward to pick up the pieces of my broken life. I hurt him, he hurt me. I cried, he cursed… in the end we always ended up kissing and making up.

After two long years of knowing him…I know he is special…“The One.” I don’t care if spend my entire life with him or not (Although I’d love to!) its enough that I know a person as wonderful as he is. He is my teacher, my mentor and my best friend.

(But you’re still IMPOSSIBLE!!)

My first Kiss: “(Gulp) this is it!” I thought. But no, he did not kiss me that day.

Anyways, it was raining that day. A light drizzle… very romantic, we had a fight… (As usual) and heated emotions were flying all around. I have never been an emotionally strong person. I can’t take fights very well and I always break down in the end. This is what happened that day. I cried and cried and he had to do something, to make me stop. (All that crying was driving him nuts I guess!) He did it then. It was a small peck on the cheek, but it was worth remembering. And yes, it made me stop crying!

My first Drag of The Cancer Stick: I think all my experimenting has been done in past two years. Ever since I moved to Delhi, my meaning of life has changed. In short, I GREW UP. Being with ‘Him’ I’ve learnt good and bad things. But I’m glad I let only good things pervade my life. I was intent on smoking a cigarette. So I tried one day. Fortunately or unfortunately my boyfriend is a smoker. I remember the day when I took a drag of the cigarette he held in his hand. The carton said ‘Classic–Milds’. Well, I obviously thought these are mild cigarettes so they won’t affect me much. I was in for the shock of my life! It felt as if I was choking on the smoke. My lungs were smoldering and I was coughing my life out! I did not give up I tried a clove flavored cigarette with my room mate and that one was not that bad. But luckily I never got hooked on to cigarettes. I either politely decline smoking or don’t let the smoke enter my lungs.

My first Cocktail: That day in September, I was at a birthday party. One of my oldest friends turned 26 that day. His wife handed me a glass of something which suspiciously looked like Limca, mixed with lots of mint. I gladly took the glass and gulped down the contents, after all I was thirsty. It tasted funny. I knew something was wrong. I asked Dhi, he said it has some Vodka in it. I refused to drink another drop. Alcoholism is something I feel strongly about. But then again that voice in my head said “C’mon! you only live once!!” And I drank that glass of whatever it was. Man!! For somebody who’d never touched a drop of alcohol, it was an evening to remember. I danced. And I enjoyed myself after being high on one paltry cocktail. I was dropped home and all. I went to sleep. Next day, was BAD. I promised myself again not to listen to the voices in my head.