time stand still.....

If I had a way to make time stand still
I'd had a lot more time to kill
Sit on the beach and drink my fill
If I had a way to make time stand still

-The Hooters


There are lots of things to write about..

Sometimes my head is bubbling with emotions and thoughts trying really hard to come out of the confined spaces and spill out to infect the world with their utter absurdity....

This is one of those times...

I have so much to say yet so little comes out...

This year has been hectic and to some extent baffling, so far... life is being garrulous... throwing away realisations at me, at a break neck speed.. one after the other...such effusiveness!! It scares me some times...

so many emotions....Frustration, pain, angst, fear, glee, exuberance and all that is part of growing older... wiser and cynical...

Meeting new interesting people... losing old friends... the ones you thought were there forever... learning to fall out of love... feeling less... talking more.... getting insecure about the future... being financially stronger... and most of all becoming more independent. The realisation, that family is anytime better than any friend... learning to live without people you think you cant live without... working harder... making compromises... living for yourself and listening to others....

So many things to do... so little time....

Somebody please ask the Gods in the heaven to go slow... the speed is befuddling me... making me irresolute of future and life....

ask the time to stand still....

Ooops!

Well I don't know how to say this.... But I was wrong.

I have been wrong so many times (I have lost the count!) But this time I think I need to make certain public apologies.

Apology # 1

I am sorry Sugar, I was wrong. I thought you'll never do this for me; but you did. And, in the process you've made me one hell of a happy person!

I don't expect you to keep making me happy, because everyone makes mistakes and you're included in everybody (but mind you you're not just anybody; you're important!) But yeah, go ahead keep surprising me with such small gestures.

Apology # 2

I'm sorry Sis. I thought I wont miss you once you leave me, but I do. BADLY. What more, I don't have anybody to talk to in the evenings when I get home. Nobody wants to talk to 'whiny old me' I guess. People I expected to keep me company have turned into 'cold turkeys'. I miss fighting with you. I miss the constant bickering and those little spats over cleanliness.

Apology # 3
While watching this terrific movie called 'Taare Zameen Par' I realised one thing, that Mom knows everything. She is your best friend and support.
Sorry Mom, for hurting you so many times and not being able to match your expectations.

Apology # 4

To all my friends & relatives I've been ignoring and not taking an interest in for past 2-3 years. I really am jaded.

Apology # 5
To a certain lady I know. I know I keep misjudging you. I am sorry. My only excuse is that I am scared stiff of you. You're awesome, its just that I don't know you all that well, and have done a couple of stupid things in the past. Believe me I am not all that bad and would love to be friends with you, if it were not because of that idiot. I know you'll never read this, but its off my chest.

I know...I know... there are a couple more but these were niggling me for past few days. Hope the list doesn't grow.

Why do i do this?

It is 3.35 AM. I know I can not wake up at 6.45 AM to get ready and venture out in the park for my daily jog at 7.00 AM

This is the second time in a row. Oh! I have excuses. Good ones. Like its Friday. I want a break. Or perhaps its way too cold outside and I am afraid that I'll get a chill (In the beginning of December , that does sound a bit ridiculous I know!)

Why do i do this?? What is it about exercise that I hate. I am overweight. Not obese but I can definitely do with a few kilos less. Some say that I lack the will, but NO!! If I put my mind to it, I know I can even solve an algebraic expression! (err.. maybe not!) I survived one whole day on milk & fruits and even managed to eat just ummm.. one cube of cheese.

Damn Italians! Why did they come up with such fine cuisine!! Damn Chinese!! Who asked them to introduce noodles to the world! and damn all the cows err.. and buffaloes and goats etc etc (Camels too!) for giving us milk which makes lethal and fattening cheese...

I am hungry.... lemme go and grab a sandwich... we'll continue..

The Quake

Sunday, November 25 2007, 10.34 P.M.

I disconnected the phone, feeling very happy and content. I grinned like an idiot and then looked at P working furiously on her laptop and smiled again. She's getting married in January. I would lose my sister of 26 years to a guy who has known her for a paltry 4 years or so... (Grumble Grumble) I would not only relinquish my shopping partner but also someone I can fight with! Well that's something I will have to deal with... later. I had a bigger mission on my hand, wake up J for work. He is planning to reach office by 7.00 a.m. which would mean waking him up at almost 5.30 a.m. It was a daunting thought especially since the mornings were getting chillier and it’s difficult to take one's hand out of the warm quilt and call somebody who is thousands of miles away. Moreover, that someone sleeps like a log and refuses to answer his phone. I remembered the day when he asked me the first time to wake him up for work. I messaged back to him asking him to be his official alarm clock and he formally replaced his old human alarm clock, his Daddy, with me. I've known J for almost 3 years now, three wonderful years. We're the best of friends; we fight like cats and dogs, break up with each other at the drop of a hat and make up at a lightening speed. He means a lot. So I gear up to go to sleep early, since I've to wake up for my morning jog too. The jog was important since my dietitian has informed me today that I've managed to lose 4 kilos and 18 inches off my body in past one and a half month. so it was important to lose more and look presentable for my sister's wedding.

Sunday, November 25 2007, 11.45 P.M.

I was still awake, watching 'Monsters Inc.' for the third time. I was lured into this activity by P. Suddenly her phone rang. I knew from the ring tone that it was A, her fiancé . That was an indication that she should come online to chat with on Yahoo! messenger. I left the love-birds alone and gathered my stuff to go downstairs where I slept. Then I remembered that I had to wash my face and take care of thousands of little things I usually do before I go to sleep. That took me 25 minutes, and then I carried myself downstairs laden with my creams, lotions and cough syrup etc.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 12.45 A.M.

I was lying in my bed, woolgathering and thinking about god knows what, my phone rang. It was a message alert. I read my daily 'Tarot Card Reading' and cursed myself again for not knowing where I subscribed for that service. I don't know how to get rid of it!! After deleting the message I played a game of 'Dope-Wars' on my cell-phone, the game is addictive and it’s almost a ritual these days to play at least one game before falling asleep. After I made $56954000, was hideously rich and ran out of the time to sell narcotics, I kept my phone away and wrapped myself tightly in my quilt. I thought of J again, smiled and closed my eyes.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 1.30 A.M.

I woke up with a start. I sleep in the same room where my grandmother sleeps, and i heard voices. I sat up looked at Nani (My Grandmother) and noticed that there were other family members too in the room. They were all asking her not to eat cold yogurt which she loved. Nani was coughing badly. We forced some of my cough syrup and a sleeping pill on her and asked her to go to sleep; talking about her seeing doctor for this. My head touched my pillow and I went back to sleep.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 4.35 A.M.

I woke up again. This time i was feeling very warm and uncomfortable. I took off my sweatshirt and went back to sleep in my pajamas and t-shirt. It was dark outside but I could make the outline of the tree which was visible just outside the window across the road; it looked eerie in the pale light from street-lamps. I smiled again, thinking about childhood and the stories of ghosts on that tree. I am a horror movie buff so ghosts don't scare me anymore. Suddenly my bed started shaking and the glass of the window rattled. I was scared and I realized it was an earthquake. It was strong or rather it felt strong. I sat up quickly and asked Nani to get out of the house. I heard sounds from the rest of the House and Heard SM shouting that we should all get out of the house. I shouted for P who was sleeping on the second floor and SM called for M who was on the first floor. Before anybody could come downstairs, tremors stopped. Nani was sitting looking at us. "It was nothing." she said and went back to sleep. Everybody was downstairs and all of us gathered in the living room. We talked about the earthquake animatedly. MM figured and assumed that it was a strong earthquake and there would be loads of damage where the epicenter is.

Sunday, November 26 2007, 4.55 A.M.

All of us except M, who went back to his early morning mediation and Yoga, were huddled together in the living room. We turned on the TV and there it was; the breaking news, of Delhi being shook up by a strong earthquake. We sat looking at the screen for a long time. Till 5.20 a.m. we knew that the tremors were also felt in the nearby cities. I messaged some of my friends and I called my mom in Jaipur. She didn't feel anything. We kind of knew that there wont be any after-shocks, so we switched off the TV and all of us left for our respective rooms to go back to sleep. I slipped inside my bed. I felt the bed shaking again, but this time I knew it was all in my head. I was scared. I was sweating. I was wondering about how fickle the life is. I was thanking god for being alive. I was remembering all the people I love and care about. I thought about P and realised that she was the first person I thought about when the quake shook us all. I was worried about her. I love her. I also thought of Mom and Dad and realized that I called them as soon as I got the chance and asked them about their well being. I Thought about J who was like light years away from me right now and messaged him. I closed my eyes and was glad to be alive again....

***************************************

Delhi and neighbouring areas of Uttar Pradesh and Haryana were rocked by an earthquake at 4.42 am today, forcing people to rush out of their homes. Although the earthquake was described by the Met department as one of ''light intensity'', which measured 4.3 on the Richter scale, it felt stronger than that because the epicentre was in Delhi-Haryana border. People were shaken in their sleep as buildings rocked for a few seconds. There were no immediate reports of any damage to life and property. Courtesy: Press Trust of India

...been some time

There is a lot happening at the same time...

My head is reeling at the speed of everything.... realisations are difficult... especially if they are the hurtful kinds...

Things which you have believed in, trusted on and thought will never change.... they change in a moment.... along with that, changes your perception, your plans and your attitude towards certain things...

I don't want to change...

shauk hai

One of the most beautiful songs I've ever come across.......

Raat ka shauk hai
Raat ki saundhi si khamoshi ka, Shauk hai
Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai
San sani anwlon ka
Ke ishq ke banwlon ka
San sani anwle ,Ke ishq ke banwle
Barf se khelte badolon ka Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi Khel hi khel mein kho gayi hoti
Raat ka shauk hai
Neend ki goliyon ka, Khwab ke loriyon ka
Bezubaan aus ki boliyon ka Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi binkahe binsune so gayi hoti
Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai

Courtesy: Gulzar

Check out the English translation HERE.

Know Me Better!!

This is what my name means!!!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7 AM

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Chak De India

4. What's your favorite TV show? The Wonder Years

5. What did you have for breakfast? A Glass of Milk

6. What's your favorite cuisine? Italian

7. What foods do you dislike? Nothing. Saint Jayant said "You'll eat a rat's arse if you're hungry."

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour Cream & Onion

9. What's your favorite song at the moment? Beck's 'Everybody Gotta learn sometime'

10. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive

11. Favorite sandwich? Jam & Peanut Butter

12. What characteristics do you despise? Hypocrisy, untidiness and ungratefulness

13. Favorite item of clothing? Jeans

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Montenegro

15. What color is your bathroom(s)? White

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Levi's

17. Where would you retire to: beach, or wooded retreat? Wooded retreat

18. Favorite time of the day? Nights

19. What were your most memorable birthdays? P's roof-top birthday party

20. Where were you born? New Delhi, India

21. Favorite sport to watch? Tennis

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Jayant Sinha Roy

23. Person you expect to send it back first? Pooja Daswani

24. What fabric detergent do you use? Genteel
25. Were you named after anyone? I Think so. An Indian Administrative Service (IAS) Officer

26. Do you wish on stars? Yes

27. When did you last cry? Last night

28. Do you like your handwriting? Its not THAT bad

29. What is your most embarrassing flaw? My BIG nose

30. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes, I am fun ;)

31. Are you a daredevil? I pretend to be; deep down inside, NO

32. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes

33. Do looks matter? Only in the beginning

34. How do you release anger? By throwing things around or crying

35. Where is your second home? New Delhi

36. What were your favorite toys as a child? Barbie Dolls

37. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? 10th grade

38. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, but i am learning from Saint Jayant

39. Favorite movies? The Departed, Hotel Rwanda, Cruel Intentions, Serendipity, Sweet November, The Butterfly Effect and Dilwale Dulhania Le Jaayenge.

40. What are your nicknames? Jay and Chumki

41. Would you bungee jump? Would love to

42. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

43. Do you think that you are strong? NO, but i want to be

44. What are your favorite ice cream flavors? Chocolate, Rum 'n' Raisin & Bailey's Irish Cream

45. What are your favorite colors? Black & Red

46. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My weaknesses

47. Who do you miss the most? Nitin Lehri

48. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? Yes

49. What color pants are you wearing? Lime Green :D

50. What are you listening to right now? Harvey Danger, Wine Women & Song

51. Last thing you ate? Muesli without milk

52. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red

53. Last person you talked to on the phone? Aniruddha Roy, my colleague

54. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes

55. Favorite Drink? Milk

56. Do you wear contact lenses? Yes :(

57. Favorite Day of the Year? Any day is good, if I am with the people I love

58. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Scary Movies

59. Hugs OR Kisses? BOTH

60. What Are Your Favorite Desserts? Custard, Apple crumble, Kheer and Apple Pie

61. What Book(s) Are You Reading? Robin Sharma's 'Who will cry when you die'

62. What's On Your Mouse Pad? I use a laptop, so no mouse pad

63. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? :( Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi (HATEFUL SOAP!!)

64. Favorite Smells? Johnson's Baby Soap and Anais Anais

65. Rolling Stones or Beatles? The Beatles

The 'Bong' Connection

NO...

I am not talking about the movie...
And for goodness sake I am not going to talk about methods of smoking pot; 'The Leaf' (Marijuana for you plebians :D)

I am talking about myself....
and my F***ING life....

For some weird reason my life is flooded with 'Bengali' people. My given name is a 'Bengali' name... so first thing people ask me is "Are you a Bengali?" (As if being a Bengali means that I am a little more or less than being a human being! )

Not that I mind it! I have nothing against Bengalis. In fact, most of the Bengalis I know are extremely sweet and cultured people! Their rich culture and style (errr.... thats questionable I know!) amazes me! And the other quality which I think Bengalis are imbued with is intelligence. I hardly meet any 'Bong' who is dumb (Exception to some air-headed actresses, of course) and all of them extremely good looking!! Best example being actress Sushmita Sen. I know it may be a fluke that most 'Bongs' I meet are like that.

Well, what I fail to undersatnd is my 'Bong' Connection.My name is 'Bong'. People say I look like a 'Bong'(Heaven only knows how a 'Bong' is supposed to look like!!) My best friend is a 'Bong'. My Boss is a 'Bong'. His Boss is a 'Bong'. The gentleman who sits just behind me in the office is a 'Bong'. My workplace is flooded with 'Bongs'!!! But my nemesis is a 'Bihari' (:D).

Maybe I was a 'Bengali in some past life????

Or maybe I am just plain obsessed with 'Bengalis'?????

My Life: The Roller Coaster

whoooo-hoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There i go up again!!!

My life has been playing up games on me lately.... all kind of funny games which is putting me through an emotional wringer...

One minute I am up there in the sky and the other... SLAM!!! I fall down... and that hurts! BAD.

I know nobody said that life is going to be a bed of roses, but this??? Please have some mercy, my head is ringing and spinning now.

Last month I finally solved a BIG problem... was I happy??? Yes, for a few hours... but then fate twisted again and my Mom abandoned me! (errr... for a short while i.e.)... After a couple of weeks I found her again.... and then Jackass got into a fight with me, saying that I need to be more positive (I got his point after a couple of 'I'll be rude with you' sessions). While I was trying to darn that tattered cloth, my best 'GIRL' friend got angry with me because I tried whatever psycho-analysis I learnt in college on her. I WAS TRYING TO HELP!

So is the story of life. Of course she is still angry and I'm still convinced that it was for the best. Meanwhile, my life has taken an upward turn again and i am suddenly feeling more secure and loved... (Knock Wood!!!) Believe me support from parents and kisses from Jackass (even if they are sent in short messages on the cellphone) can do wonders to my state of mind.

I don't know how long this burst of happiness would last.... but this time I am sure that come what may... I'll find happiness again... because now I KNOW my way around the elusive streets of life.

Pollyannaism

I need a crash course in positivity....

thats what my beloved best friend says...

Hell!!

what happenend??? When and where did i lose it????

I thought i am very optimistic and positive....

Did he mean that i should get rid of my cynism??? As far as I am concerned those two aren't synonyms...

And more important... I was never cynical....!!! (Although I try mighty hard to be!! I think it's very 'IN' to be cynical)

I wasn't well today... had fever... maybe I am rambling..

Sorry... but i really need to find out the exact meaning of the word 'POSITIVE'

Don't mind me... please carry on....