It was one of those days...

Yes.. It was one of those days... and as always, there was a proverbial cherry on the cake!!! And today, I just know that I have to write about it and get it off my chest..

Shit is happening at work.... and nothing seems quite right in life.. (I am still positive that something good will come out of it!!)

This is what happened....

(Based on true events!!)

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My head was buzzing and I felt sad... ends are always like this for me... especially if its a happy movie with a tragic end.. but this is no movie... This is part of my life..a chapter... and it looks royally fucked up right now... I am not alone in this drama... there are others involved as well... people I've spent loads of time with.. people who have been like an extended family and they are all sailing with me in the same boat.. in the same waters..

It was finally time to go home, V said "I'll drop you home. Lets go." I did not say much... I just nodded, gathered my stuff and went outside.

I got into the front seat. fastened my seat belt and opened the window. I hate air-conditioners. They are so artificial and they suffocate me... despite the fact that they do provide relief from heat and humidity most of the times.. V got inside.. looked at me and smiled. "Are you okay??" he asked. "Yes" I said. "But I am so pissed off.. with whatever is happening!" "It's alright! Everything will be fine" He said.

He started the car... and we drove off.. It was close to 11.50 PM. Streets were empty...as empty as I was feeling at that time.. I did not speak much. He turned on the radio and we listened to the music.... Nothing registered except for the fact that my window was closed again and the air-conditioner was on. (Damned technology!! Who invented power windows???)

Thirty minutes passed... It was a long drive... but I was close, close to my destination... my home and my haven... I was looking forward to reach... to have something to eat and then surrender to blissful sleep... I thought about V.. His home was farther... i sighed and looked at him.. He was talking with his girlfriend over the phone... He is so young...at 22 everything seems rosy.

"We're almost there." He said, after disconnecting the phone... "Look out!!" I shouted... We almost collided with a car coming straight towards us... It was a narrow street. V swore a couple of times. "Please drive slow." I said. We were nearing an intersection.. He looked at me and smiled "Don't worry!!" he said and then he looked ahead...

All I heard after that was tyres screeching.... Glass shattering and a metallic whine which was deafening me.. i felt light and was thrown against the driver's seat. I felt the impact... against my right shoulder and hip. I also felt a jolt... my neck was hurting me... My ankle was twisted and my ears were ringing... My head felt heavy and I felt an excruciating pain in my right ear... My chest felt as if it would explode...

Everything was black for a moment and there were images flashing. I saw J saying "I love you baby!" I saw mom & dad... smiling... I saw P.. hugging me when she was leaving after getting married.

I was dazed.. all I could whisper was "V!! Are you alright?"

I looked at my side... I saw V holding his shoulder.. and getting out of the car.. He was shouting... I don't know what... My head swam and I started crying... It was a relief... That he was not badly hurt.. I pulled out my phone.. I called J.. he was in the office... I cried... and talked to him... I told him where I was.. what happened (not in detail.. and I know most of it was meaningless babbling) Saint J... being the practical person he is was asking me to disconnect the phone and call the Police or somebody from home. I promised that I'll do exactly what he would say... (God!! accidents make people maudlin!)

I felt the door opening.. I saw an old kindly face...'Uncle' asking me whether I was alright. I got out with his help and almost fainted after seeing what happened to the other car. It was toppled.. sideways... I heard V having an animated conversation with a guy... I presumed he was the one who was driving the other car. He looked alright to me... I sighed again and collapsed in a chair nearby.. It belonged to the guard who takes care of the 'Kindly Uncle's' house. I saw other people around... people who were rudely awakened by the noise. I felt a cold bottle being pressed into my palm. I smiled at "Uncle' and said "Thank You." He also pressed a tube of some pain relieving ointment in my hand and said "My daughter is a doctor. I have a couple of more tubes of the same ointment. Let me know if you need more."

My head was hurting.. so was my cheek.. my ear... and neck.. I looked at the bottle of water.. It was a sealed bottle of mineral water. I pressed it against my cheek.. it felt good.. I opened the bottle and poured some water on my head... I felt faint .. I sat down... pulled out my phone again.. and called up my brother... asking him to pick me up... by that time I realised that the accident happened quite close to my place..

I looked at V's car.. It was smashed up... pretty bad.. on the right side.. and it was forced on a pavement... front was on the pavement.. and rear was still dangling on the road... it was a sorry sight... I thanked my stars...

V was talking to someone... I went to him.... I figured out that this guy was a friend of the gentleman driving the other car. They were talking about not involving the police. When I approached them... V told me that his parents are on their way to pick him up... The guy he was talking to offered to get his driver to drop me at my place.. I declined and told V that M was coming to pick me up...

M came... I said bye to V and thanked the 'Kindly Uncle' vowed that I'll come and meet him again and say thank you with flowers in a day or two... It was pleasantly shocking to see such caring people in an otherwise cold neighbourhood...

I got home... went to my room... dropped all my clothes off and looked at myself in the mirror.. my cheek... It was a bit swollen...my hair were wet and i looked like a bedraggled cat! I noticed that my right ear looked all red and there was a small bump behind it...

My head was still hurting... I went in the bathroom had a quick shower.. found a painkiller in the drawer.. washed it down with water.. applied some of the ointment which uncle gave to me on my neck... shoulder.. hip.. arm and errr.. face...

My phone was ringing... It was A. She heard about the mishap from V ... She was calling to check on me .. I assured her that everything is okay... I disconnected and was sitting on my bed.. thinking... My phone started ringing again... It was J.

"Are you okay J'???" He asked.. and i felt tears prickling my eyes again.. "I love you." I said and went on explaining what is wrong with me and where all its hurting... after 10 minutes.. during which I got several requests from him to get an M.R.I. scan done... and to go to sleep and consult a doctor in the morning... I hung up and went to sleep...

While lying in bed... I had a 1 on 1 session with my inner self... I concluded that I am thankful for whatever i have been given and that I appreciate life... I promised myself that I will cut down on the complaining and will concentrate more on making most of what I've been given...

I consulted a doctor in the morning and have been informed that I suffer from mild concussion. A minor sprain. I will be alright in a couple of days..

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Its 2.30 AM... My head hurts... so does my neck... The effect of painkiller is wearing off now.. I know I should go to sleep... Its been a long day.. and I have a longer week up ahead...

But I feel better... now...

p.s. Thank you for the idea J.... Nych....

{{Sigh}}

Who do you think you are??

"Swing it, shake it, move it, make it,
Who do you think you are?
Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it,
Show me how good you are" (courtesy: Spice Girls)

After a very long time, I heard this song playing in a 'Friend's (???) car and I was surprised to know that i remembered its lyrics! It made me nostalgic.. the days when I used to sing this song for anybody i didn't like in college... silently of course!!

But seriously, I can sing this song for most of the men I know...
I fail to understand why are men so pompous?

The 'Bong' Connection

NO...

I am not talking about the movie...
And for goodness sake I am not going to talk about methods of smoking pot; 'The Leaf' (Marijuana for you plebians :D)

I am talking about myself....
and my F***ING life....

For some weird reason my life is flooded with 'Bengali' people. My given name is a 'Bengali' name... so first thing people ask me is "Are you a Bengali?" (As if being a Bengali means that I am a little more or less than being a human being! )

Not that I mind it! I have nothing against Bengalis. In fact, most of the Bengalis I know are extremely sweet and cultured people! Their rich culture and style (errr.... thats questionable I know!) amazes me! And the other quality which I think Bengalis are imbued with is intelligence. I hardly meet any 'Bong' who is dumb (Exception to some air-headed actresses, of course) and all of them extremely good looking!! Best example being actress Sushmita Sen. I know it may be a fluke that most 'Bongs' I meet are like that.

Well, what I fail to undersatnd is my 'Bong' Connection.My name is 'Bong'. People say I look like a 'Bong'(Heaven only knows how a 'Bong' is supposed to look like!!) My best friend is a 'Bong'. My Boss is a 'Bong'. His Boss is a 'Bong'. The gentleman who sits just behind me in the office is a 'Bong'. My workplace is flooded with 'Bongs'!!! But my nemesis is a 'Bihari' (:D).

Maybe I was a 'Bengali in some past life????

Or maybe I am just plain obsessed with 'Bengalis'?????

My Life: The Roller Coaster

whoooo-hoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There i go up again!!!

My life has been playing up games on me lately.... all kind of funny games which is putting me through an emotional wringer...

One minute I am up there in the sky and the other... SLAM!!! I fall down... and that hurts! BAD.

I know nobody said that life is going to be a bed of roses, but this??? Please have some mercy, my head is ringing and spinning now.

Last month I finally solved a BIG problem... was I happy??? Yes, for a few hours... but then fate twisted again and my Mom abandoned me! (errr... for a short while i.e.)... After a couple of weeks I found her again.... and then Jackass got into a fight with me, saying that I need to be more positive (I got his point after a couple of 'I'll be rude with you' sessions). While I was trying to darn that tattered cloth, my best 'GIRL' friend got angry with me because I tried whatever psycho-analysis I learnt in college on her. I WAS TRYING TO HELP!

So is the story of life. Of course she is still angry and I'm still convinced that it was for the best. Meanwhile, my life has taken an upward turn again and i am suddenly feeling more secure and loved... (Knock Wood!!!) Believe me support from parents and kisses from Jackass (even if they are sent in short messages on the cellphone) can do wonders to my state of mind.

I don't know how long this burst of happiness would last.... but this time I am sure that come what may... I'll find happiness again... because now I KNOW my way around the elusive streets of life.

Catty Women

"Not Really"

Do women bitch?
Yes, they do. Its an age old fact.

Do I bitch?
Yes, I do. I've been doing that for __ years! (yeah, guess my age!)

Following are two actual incidences which have taken place at my home/ work-place!



Scene 1:

This happens, almost every time when women (sometimes men too!) in my family meet.. ahem.. except for those who are being bitched about, but of course....


GM: "Lets sit together tonight. All of us. Its been quite a while since we've bitched about the nefarious 'C Family'! I must tell you what happened recently and what these people did! Especially that Bitch!"

MU: "Sahi mein! (Really!) Even i have to tell you what happened the other day, when i called her up!"

ME: "Yeah, its been a long time... and it would be fun!"

MI (A male member of my family): "SO! Please make sure that we have loads of 'Maggie Noodles' in the kitchen! We cant stay awake till 2-3 am without having anything to eat!"

PA: "Yeah! And something to drink as well!"

SO: "I don't like them at all. I think I will sit with you guys and listen to what all you have to say."

So, what was supposed to be a bitching session, turned into a small party of sorts. Everybody bitched, everybody ate and went to sleep, grumbling about being fat, with tummies full of food, which is supposed to be fattening.


Scene 2:

Some women (Including me of course!) sitting around a table in the deserted Cafeteria, in my office.

A: "Damn! Its so hot outside!"

B: "I know! Speaking of hot, look who is wearing skimpy clothes again!"

C: "OMG! How could 'X' wear something like that! She's looking trashy!"

D: "Oh! have you heard the latest about her! She has finally managed to sleep with that dreamy manager! Another notch on her bedpost i must say!"

B: "WHAT! Are you serious!"

D: "Absolutely! 'E' told me so!"

C: "Hrrrmph... she's a fucking nym*****iac! She'll sleep with anybody!"

A: "Aw shit! I really liked that guy! How could he?"

Arrival of 'X' and 'Y' on the table

X: "Hi! Whats up?"

"Hi X! Hi Y! How you guys doing!" everybody chimes....

X: "I'm fine! Its scorching hot outside!"

A: "Yeah!"

C: "Hey X! You're looking good! How and where the hell do you manage to find such nice clothes! We must go out for shopping together some day!"

Scene fades in meaningless female chatter......


Hmmmm.... yes women do bitch! Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar!

Why? Bite me if i know!! :))

Persistence.....with a capital 'P'

No, I am not an ungrateful person.... I take everything given to me by God with great poise and grace (yeah.. yeah.. so what if i lose it at times? Everybody cracks under pressure.. hrrmph..) But lately I have started complaining.... I am being ladled out more than my fair share of bad times....

What is it about broken relationships that annoy me most? Persistence....

My best friend is mighty nettled these days. Why? Her Ex refuses to move on. She called me today and I told her to flee away from the country to retain her sanity. I was wrong. She should stay here and fight the demons. Because, that's what I am doing.....

How many times do we face this situation? When somebody we think should move on, refuses to do so. Exasperating? Isn't it?

I have a pretty colorful past. A broken engagement, one or two boy friends and a couple of crushes... Everything left a scar... everything contributed to my experiences and everything gave me a realization... sometimes a rude awakening... But the first prize would always go to my engagement, which left a bitter taste in my mouth and a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with my current boy friend. Sounds funny? Yeah it is... because it was that broken relationship which made me realize that i have another bond... with someone who is caring and an absolute sweetheart to the core.... someone who helped me pick up the pieces of my broken life. (Thanks Jackass!)

I broke a two month old engagement last year (Yeah it was an arranged match!) Reason being that i realized after a couple of meetings with the guy that we're totally incompatible and I'd royally screw mine and his happiness if I would go on thinking about everybody else's' happiness (Thanks to Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, which incidentally was a gift from my ex fiance!) Moreover, there was a lot of animosity from the guy and his family too... they had several terms and conditions (Give up reading novels, read Osho, start meditating, stop eating potatoes, slim down, do MBA and loads of others...most of which I've never done in my lifetime!) I am sorry, but i don't think marriages work on terms and conditions (I might be wrong, but i do have a right to form my own opinion. Right?)

After facing a lot of heart-ache, opposition, turbulence and breaking off this futile alliance, I made a checklist. Which is as follows:

1) Move out.
2) Start living on your own.
3) Concentrate on your job.
4) Be happy and positive.
5) Forgive and forget.

I managed to do almost everything except forget (I even forgave!) Why did i never forget? Because of PERSISTENCE. I wanted to... but the guy's mother refused to move on... she kept persisting that i marry his son. (She still is..) So many things have happened because of this irrational doggedness... a rift between me and my family... insomnia... a feeling of being hunted.. a resolution to stay away from people born under the sun-sign of Cancer (Sowy P!! but its true) and a general discomfort at the idea of being married. Whatever... i am still determined on taking control of my future and not get into a relationship which will cause me nothing but despair.

Wow! i feel good... this was something which was struggling to get out.. for a long time.....

On a lighter note... A broken affiliation always paves way for a new one!!!(Remember my optimism!)

REALITY BITES

"Pathological Optimist"


I heard this term being used in the movie 'Reality Bites' when i was very young... almost too young to understand what this term actually meant.... the term was used for the female protagonist, Lelaina Pierce, in the movie. For some reason the movie which was an eclectic blend of comedy and romance is very close to my heart.... maybe because its ironic or maybe because of the tag-line 'Life is always funnier when it happens to someone else' Whatever the reason, i still like the movie and .,l,. this is for people who think otherwise (Sorry if you think I am being rude.)

After all these years, I have realized today why this movie is so special... because of this term and the fact that i relate with this term....

Heard the 'Chumbawamba' song 'Tubthumping'?
"I get knocked, down but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down"

I relate with this song as well.... why? Because that's what i am, a born fighter, a person who might be down for a while but will get up again and start on with the life again.....

Is there anything wrong being an optimist? I don't think so... Is it wrong to follow your heart and don't let anybody shake your beliefs? I don't think so...

But today..... I have realized.... the fact that people can knock you down.... make you fall flat on your face.. and keep you there till you cry for mercy....

Will i ever be able to get up again and start being what i am? A Pathological Optimist.....

That's something which time will tell.... but I'd still like to think.. 'Yes. I will'.....

Amen.....

The Cruise: Superstar Libra - Part I

Main Entry: 1fun
Pronunciation: 'f&n
Function: noun
Etymology: English dialect fun to hoax, perhaps alteration of Middle English fonnen, from fonne dupe
1 : what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically : playful often boisterous action or speech
2 : a mood for finding or making amusement
3 a : AMUSEMENT, ENJOYMENT b : derisive jest : SPORT, RIDICULE
4 : violent or excited activity or argument
synonyms FUN, JEST, SPORT, GAME, PLAY.

Source: Mirriam-Webster Online Dictionary

************************************************************SUPERSTAR LIBRA

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RECIPE OF A FUN-FILLED VACATION
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Ingredients:

A middle- aged 'Young' couple, which likes lazing around.

One 26 yrs old girl, who tries to to act sedate for the sake of propriety; fails miserably.

One 24 yrs old girl, who is too damned serious and is looking for amusement out of her boring office. (No Offense P!)

One 17 yrs old boy, who is supposed to keep watch on his sisters, but is busy most of the times ogling girls and plotting to find a way to get an entry-pass for the 'Topless Dancing Show'.

One 13 yrs old girl, who is too feisty for her age, and is occupied with dreams of attracting cute oriental guys.

A HUGE ship full of people who have temporary amnesia, and most of them dont remember their age.

A crew,which is an eclectic mix of Indians and cute looking orientals.

A group of 'Gujju' boys just out of the school, from Mumbai.

A cellphone (with no connectivity in the middle of the sea), to keep in touch with a temporarily estranged boyfriend.

A restaurant catered by 'The Taj', to pig out.

A lustful chef.

Banana-Boat ride in Lakshadweep.

A Brand new SUV

A 'well-connected' lost brother of Michael Schumacher as driver.

Beaches and flea markets in Goa.

And last, but not the least a 'Hunky' South-Indian guy.

Seasoning: Lots of food, sun, beaches, sea and sea-sickness.


PREPARATION: to be continued........

The First Time....

There’s always a first time for everything. This is the first time I'm writing a Blog.

Just like everybody else, I have committed most of my ‘first times’ to my memory. They were all incidents worth remembering and they still lurk somewhere in my subconscious mind... making me the person I’m today.

But some of them are still so vivid, so fresh as if they happened just yesterday. Those are the ones which transpired to mold me, my beliefs, my values and MY LIFE. Those are the etchings on my soul...

My first book: Albeit a bit dusty….there is a strong memory of a small paperback called Chanda Mama, which had stories about kings and kingdoms, ghosts and gods etc. O.M.G.! I was vain enough to believe all of it…at that age...

My first School: Kendriya Vidyalaya, Barmer. There was only one respectable school in that small sleepy town of Rajasthan, during those times. And ‘Moi’ was important there. I reminisce about that hot day when I lost my silver necklace while playing Hop-Scotch. 6 years old little girls weren’t supposed to wear jewelry to school. But I did. That was the day I realized my father must be an important man. Because when I cried my Principal got the entire play-ground dug up and found that fragile looking piece of silver for me. God! I feel horrible about it now.

My First Audio Cassette: Aashiqui (Hope I’ve got the spelling right!) a young girl all of 11 years or so walks up to the shop-keeper and asks him for a cassette of Aashiqui, pays him Rs 18, and walks off proudly with her procurement. Mom was angry when I got home, but it was worth it. Although I’ve come a long way from listening songs of Aashiqui to listening James Blunt and INXS, but I still love those songs and I still have that cassette somewhere lying around.

My first Crush: He was the perfect specimen of male hood for me, four years my senior in school. House captain, short, fair and cute… Blah blah blah… I am so glad I regained my senses well in time! I know he lives somewhere in Australia now.

My first Boyfriend: Mohit! How can I forget those days with you? You and I on the railways tracks… in the bus… you waiting for me outside the school…you walking me to my home… that birthday gift… that Valentine ’s Day…Chachi 420… so many little things… makes me think of Arnold & Winnie. It was a perfect model of innocent love. It broke my heart the day he said he’s going to Delhi to study. I miss those days. But, life goes on so did I. We moved on, kept in touch and I am so glad we still are!

My First Day in College: I was scared. I was the only girl in the fresher batch, wearing a pair of jeans with a tee. Believe me...when I say...that it is tough being part of an all girls’ college. Women are fussy and can be pretty mean. I was endangered. I was fearful of the seniors and ragging. A group of girls approached me; I gave them a petrified glance and tried to shuffle my backside quickly to the psychology lab, for the first class of the day. I spent the day in fearful presentiment. Soon it was over. I was on my way home and could breathe again. You Bet! Next day I turned up in all the glory of a flowing Duppatta and Salwar-Kameez.

My First Job: It SUCKED!! Big Time!! I won’t wish that job upon my enemies. I was tired of dealing with angry customers who were facing some little problem with their internet connection. I knew that the company I worked for provided f**ked up internet connections. I still grinned and told everybody, “We Are the Best!!” Of all the hypocrites in the world! I am glad that company is obsolete now.

My first Love: Sad… I can’t take your name. But you know that you’re important… very important to me.

“Ouch!” that’s what I said when I snapped my nail into two and my finger started bleeding. He was the reason. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve opened the door without hurting myself. He occupied my days…and nights (we worked in the graveyard shift!), and my thoughts. I was tired of his voice droning in my ears all the time… was tired of looking at him 12 hours a day. But, there he was, in the cab, in the cafeteria, outside the office, in the training room...trying to help a group of 15 odd people. And most of these times he wore the similar brooding expression, showed animosity towards everybody and seemed very disagreeable. He was 'The Loner'.

The day I hurt myself, I was angry for letting him affect me this way. It was not fair. I found him looking at me oddly one day. I ignored him. Seven Days, that’s all I had with him. I tried to move on. I was not able to. One day he messaged. He asked me to go out with him. “Say No!” my mind said… “Okay!” I said, and this is how it started.

For next one year he was there, just somebody to hang around with, somebody to meet on the weekends. I knew I was falling in love. I also knew it was dangerous. But, WHAT THE HECK!! You only live once!

I tied to break away, but for some reason, it was always him, who came forward to pick up the pieces of my broken life. I hurt him, he hurt me. I cried, he cursed… in the end we always ended up kissing and making up.

After two long years of knowing him…I know he is special…“The One.” I don’t care if spend my entire life with him or not (Although I’d love to!) its enough that I know a person as wonderful as he is. He is my teacher, my mentor and my best friend.

(But you’re still IMPOSSIBLE!!)

My first Kiss: “(Gulp) this is it!” I thought. But no, he did not kiss me that day.

Anyways, it was raining that day. A light drizzle… very romantic, we had a fight… (As usual) and heated emotions were flying all around. I have never been an emotionally strong person. I can’t take fights very well and I always break down in the end. This is what happened that day. I cried and cried and he had to do something, to make me stop. (All that crying was driving him nuts I guess!) He did it then. It was a small peck on the cheek, but it was worth remembering. And yes, it made me stop crying!

My first Drag of The Cancer Stick: I think all my experimenting has been done in past two years. Ever since I moved to Delhi, my meaning of life has changed. In short, I GREW UP. Being with ‘Him’ I’ve learnt good and bad things. But I’m glad I let only good things pervade my life. I was intent on smoking a cigarette. So I tried one day. Fortunately or unfortunately my boyfriend is a smoker. I remember the day when I took a drag of the cigarette he held in his hand. The carton said ‘Classic–Milds’. Well, I obviously thought these are mild cigarettes so they won’t affect me much. I was in for the shock of my life! It felt as if I was choking on the smoke. My lungs were smoldering and I was coughing my life out! I did not give up I tried a clove flavored cigarette with my room mate and that one was not that bad. But luckily I never got hooked on to cigarettes. I either politely decline smoking or don’t let the smoke enter my lungs.

My first Cocktail: That day in September, I was at a birthday party. One of my oldest friends turned 26 that day. His wife handed me a glass of something which suspiciously looked like Limca, mixed with lots of mint. I gladly took the glass and gulped down the contents, after all I was thirsty. It tasted funny. I knew something was wrong. I asked Dhi, he said it has some Vodka in it. I refused to drink another drop. Alcoholism is something I feel strongly about. But then again that voice in my head said “C’mon! you only live once!!” And I drank that glass of whatever it was. Man!! For somebody who’d never touched a drop of alcohol, it was an evening to remember. I danced. And I enjoyed myself after being high on one paltry cocktail. I was dropped home and all. I went to sleep. Next day, was BAD. I promised myself again not to listen to the voices in my head.